failure

I've been putting off writing about this. Partly because my initial reaction was, perhaps, a little outsized, and I wanted to wait till I could discuss it rationally. But there comes a point where I just have to put the news out there.

So: Nick took the IOWA exam earlier this spring, like all first graders in the parish. The results came back not too long ago. He did well in math, social studies, science, and word analysis. He was tops in listening, which apparently doesn't correlate to listening to his mother, but instead has to do with understanding stories that are read aloud. He also failed reading. His teacher gave him a placement test. He failed that, too. Which means he failed first grade.

His teacher called to tell us all this, and that was the point where my brain stuttered to a stop. Nick failed first grade. I was already feeling emotionally fragile, and I just couldn't cope. I've had about a week to think about this, and...okay, I'm still really upset. But in a more rational way. And yes, I know, it's not the end of the world, my own sister failed first grade and she turned out fine, you don't have to tell me that. She was also really upset about it, and Nathan and I held it over her for years, so you can't go claiming it's no big deal, either. And jeez, I hope she doesn't mind me mentioning it here (hi sis!). 

There's an appeals process, but we decided not to go through it. We aren't sure this is the best way to help Nick, but we can't deny he needs help. Nick can read, you understand - but nowhere near as well as he should. He read Go, dog. Go! out loud at bedtime, and he needed help with some of the words.  When I looked at his writing journal, it was clear that neither his handwriting or his spelling had improved significantly over the course of the year. And I knew this was happening - that may be part of why I was, and am, so upset. At the beginning of the year, he was doing great. But by midyear he was slipping, and his third quarter grades were terrible. We talked about how to help, but didn't do anything particulary effective. Those third quarter grades, which should have been a wakeup call, were soon followed by the first of a series of family crises. I was overwhelmed and I didn't do anything. Yes, there's a big fat helping of parental guilt on top of my worry for my son.

We've told Nick. We tried to do so as calmly as possible. Now he's had time to think, he's pretty upset too. He knows repeating means he's failed, and failure is bad. He doesn't like that the other kids in his class will be ahead of him in school now. He doesn't want to do all that again. He's not traumatized, I don't think. But he's not happy. 

So where do we go from here? Well, sending him back through first grade again, without making any changes in the way he's taught, would probably be a recipe for frustration and failure. I finally signed Nick up to be evaluated for learning disabilities. We're specifically thinking about dyslexia, but there might be something else going on.We're going to a private psychologist - it seemed easier than dealing with the school. If we have proof of learning disabilities, then we can demand special services from the school to address them. Or we could send him to private school - there's one in Baton Rouge that actually specializes in dyslexic children. I bet they wouldn't make him repeat first grade, either.

If there's no evidence of LDs of any sort, then we're back to square one. Maybe he's just immature or not ready to learn to read yet, and he'll catch up on his own with a little time. Maybe his sensory integration issues are preventing him from focusing properly. Maybe his eyesight took a dramatic turn for the worse mid-year, and he can't see the board anymore. Maybe space aliens sucked the reading portion of his brains out. At this point I just don't know.